Saturday, July 24, 2010

Delighted

Arielle and Rick have just finished watching Miller's Crossing.

Rick: "That's a good movie."

Arielle: "Yeah. But except for Marcia Gay Harden, there were no women in it."

Rick (with a look that seems to say, 'Exactly,' his opinion solidified): "That's a good movie."

There is a long pause while Arielle looks at him, the ass-like smirk never leaving his face.

Rick (indicating what should be): "No beach volleyball, then no women."
  
   
  

Monday, July 19, 2010

Afflicted

Rick and Arielle arrive together at work, get out of the car, and begin walking into the building.

Arielle is quite cranky.

Rick makes an ass-like comment about said crankiness.

Arielle: "Well I have PMS!"

Rick: "PMS already?!"

Arielle: "It's PRE MENSTRUAL SYNDROME. That's what it stands for."

Rick rolls his eyes.

Arielle: "Well at least I have an excuse. What's yours?"

Rick (in that infuriatingly sarcastic tone): "I have PASD - Post Arielle Stress Disorder."

 
 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Inventive

There are few things in this world Rick hates more than Arielle's cell phone.

She gets a lot of calls and texts on a daily basis, but so as not to annoy her husband, while at home in the evenings, she keeps her phone on vibrate. In fact, she usually lets her phone vibrate away, just peeping at it from time to time and responding to only the most important of calls or texts.

Yet, even the sound of her phone vibrating annoys Rick. He not-so-lovingly calls it "the train" when it vrrrrrr vrrrrrr vrrrrrrrrs and shakes the side table.

Tonight, Rick threw a glance at her phone and said with disdain, "They should have a setting on your phone that when it's on silent and you get a call, it stops your heart. That way you know when you have a call."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Discerning

One from the archives...


Arielle (pointing to her wrist): "It's a bracelet to stop violence against women."

Rick (in a deadpan, chauvinistic, ass-like tone): "Oh, so you wear it and the violence just stops?"
  
  
 

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Carefree

Arielle and Rick are out driving through some crazy rain. Rick is driving (too) fast and slides in the rain around a curve.
He gasps loudly as he struggles to get the car under control.

"Whoa!!!.............Cambridge," Rick says nonchalantly, referring to a child care center they just passed, pointing out scenery to his wife as they slip and slide, as though nothing has happened.

Arielle (annoyed): "Do you have the effing cruise control on?"

Rick: "I'm always on cruise control, dear."
 
  
 

Humbling

Arielle: "This is the quickest I've ever gotten dressed in the morning after waking up!"

Rick: "I wouldn't brag about that."
  
  

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Attentive

I believe Arielle was talking about LOST or some other passionately loved topic...

Arielle is talking and talking... she trails off...

Arielle (excitedly): "I could write like a whole paper about that!"

Rick (nods his head vigorously, a sarcastic tone blooming): "I should've just taken dictation - you'd already have a paper."
  
  

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Shocked

Discussing her MSW degree...


Arielle: "I have to take Statistics."

Rick stares at her dumbfounded.

Rick: "Are you serious?"

Arielle: "Yeah."

Rick: "Statistics?! Statistics to graduate?"

Arielle: "Yes. I know, I'm gonna be horrible at it." (She was an English major.)

Rick (in a deadly serious tone): "Well hopefully Statistics for Morons."
  
  
 

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Considerate

One of my personal favorites (from the archives)...

Arielle is sleeping on the recliner chair.
Rick is watching football.

Suddenly, Rick screams, "FUMBLE!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs.
Arielle darts up, jolted awake.

Rick looks at her.
"Oh...sorry," he whispers very quietly.
  
  
 

Friday, July 2, 2010

Fearless

Preface - Arielle is allergic to multiple fruits and nuts.


Rick: "Can you eat cashews?"

Arielle: "Well, I don't. Since I don't really know if I'm allergic to them."

Rick: "Well, eat one tonight. See if you die."
  
  
 

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Resigned

Arielle hugs Rick because he is not feeling well.

Arielle: "Aw maybe you're fighting something off."

Rick (with no hint of positivity): "Yeah - death."